When it comes to living our lives, Christ doesn't make up the difference. He IS the difference.

Tomorrow, September 24, marks 18 months since Dave passed away. We still think about him often and rejoice in the knowledge that death is not the end. I was able to compile a for each one of the children. A story just for them that contains pictures of them and their dad. I'm so excited to see their reactions when I give them to them. I think it's a wonderful way to provide an outlet when they're missing their dad. A way to remember and never forget what he meant in their lives. As many of you know, I was thrown into dating just 7 months after Dave passed away. I was praying that I would be ready when the time was right. I knew that I was supposed to date Ryan, but things fell apart. I danced in and out of the dating scene. (Ok, so I spent most of my time being a wallflower- just like in highschool.) I dipped into a few online dating sites, etc. I went on a few dates, but felt that I was wasting my time online. I'd gotten in touch with a couple of people and...

I pledge alegiance to the flag of the United States of America and to the republic for which it stands, one nation under God, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.

Today in my Gospel Principles class, I touched briefly on the Atonement and its meaning in our lives. It was a wonderful lesson because the Spirit taught all of us. We all have struggles in our lives. We all have times when we ask the Lord if He can't take our burdens away from us. There are times that He removes our burdens, but when He cannot, He makes them lighter. In the April Ensign of 2001, Elder Holland states, "If He could come forward in the night, kneel down, fall on His face, bleed from every pore, and cry, 'Abba, Father (Papa), if this cup can pass, let it pass,' then little wonder that salvation is not a whimsical or easy thing for us. If you wonder if there isn't an easier way, you should remember you are not the first one to ask that. Someone a lot greater and a lot grander asked a long time ago if there wasn't an easier way. . . to come to the truth, to come to salvation, to know something of this price that has been paid, [we] will have to...

Well, as I suspected, all I had to do was take care of the food and the laughter and fun took care of itself. Just as it did in college. It was wonderful to have most of us together, reminiscing about old times. We didn't spend time talking about boys(except for me), but we talked about our families. I have to admit that we are all wonderfully strong members of the church and I am once again so grateful to the Lord for the blessings that he has bestowed upon me and continues to bestow. We don't talk on a regular basis. Perhaps two or three times a year, but when we get together it's just as if time hasn't passed. We can enjoy one another's company and appreciate one anothers differences. I am so grateful for "low maintenance friends". The ones who recognize that life goes on while we're apart, but can be just as joyful when we're blessed to be together. There's a saying that relates, "The family that prays together, stays together....

Allison loves getting her picture taken . . . unless putting her hand in front of her face would get her more attention. The Happy Hiker! He sure is growing up! Beautiful Kolob Canyons! So I went on my first date since Ryan broke up with me . . . a day and a half long date. Michael came from Illinois to visit me, so I let him stay in our trailer overnight. We spent yesterday 4-wheeling, then dinner, a walk, and today we hiked in Kolob. It was nice to go out. It was fun to talk. But overall, I realized how I really don't think I'm ready to do this. I don't want to date and search all over to find someone. My life is worth living, and I'm wasting time trying to find someone online, and there's no one worth dating around here. If I'm supposed to remarry, the Lord will provide the opportunity, and if not, then I will live life alone. But either way, I'll trust in Him and His timing and I'll continue to pray as I did before I met Ryan. "Please...

It's frustrating to be back in the dating world again with all of its games and broken hearts. Just a couple of months before Dave found out about the cancer, I remember watching a single, divorced young woman in our ward flirt with her "boyfriend." I remember rolling my eyes and thinking how grateful I was that I would never have to go through that again. And, just as the Lord always seems to do, He stepped in and helped me to realize that I should never say NEVER. I always said I would never move to Arizona. I did. I said I'd go anywhere but Tucson. We went to Tucson. I said I wouldn't move closer to the Mexican border. We moved to Sahuarita-20 minutes closer to the border. I vowed I would never move back to Cedar City because all of the people here are the same people that I went to college with! Then we moved back and joined them! After Dave passed away, I decided that I wouldn't date for the first year. I met someone 7 months later. Maybe I shoul...

We have been without Dave for 14 months today. In so many ways I think, "Is that all? We have been through so much without him." But,it has only been just over a year. Life has given us struggles aplenty and they continue to flood in. Thank heaven for my home teacher who visits every day and lends me help. If it weren't for him, I'd be drowning in my troubles right now. The kids are still having their own problems related to dad being gone. More than anything, they yearn, as I do, for things to be "back to normal." It was always normal for dad to be around. It was normal to have both mom and dad disciplining, and doing the work, etc. Now, it's just mom. Dad is not physically there at the games or the programs. He's not there to play catch. I can't feel his arms around me- comforting me when I'm lonely. We miss him. That yearning doesn't seem to dissapate with time, but the associated overwhelming sadness does. We are becom...

When Caden told me that he wanted to play baseball again this year, I didn't want to let him. I spent a majority of the time last year arguing with him over practice, and even some games. It becomes very demanding on the whole family since they practice 1 1/2 hours 3-4 days a week. With 1-2 games a week on top of that. I'm now really grateful that he's a part of it. Last year, they lost the first game, but won every other- including the playoff game. This year doesn't seem as promising, but they are still doing well. Caden has improved by leaps and bounds. Most especially in his dedication to the game. They lost the last game by two runs and had to do ladders because of it. Hopefully that doesn't happen again. Whether it does or not, he's really enjoying himself and that's a wonderful thing to see.

After Caden's ballgame last Saturday, we took off for a hike up Kolob Canoyon. The jury is still undecided as to whether we hiked 5 miles or 9, but I'm thinking the lesser of the two. (Don't tell Caden.) It's great to get out with the kids. Look at those dirty shoes! They were all such troopers. It was a much longer hike than I'd intended, but when they realized that the only way to get food and to rest was to keep walking back to the car, they kept on. Jacob and I are hiding from the sun in a cave . . . right next to some unidentied animal prints. . . We had a lot of fun hiking up to the double arch. It would have been twice as fast if we didn't have to cross the stream every 25 feet. It was just georgeous up there. No enhancements or changes made on this photo at all and a beautiful day to top it off!

For some strange reason, I thought that the most important thing that I had to do was to make it through the first year. I did. We did. And now, things seem very difficult, as opposed to easier. It seems I miss Dave now as much as I did in those first days after he had passed away. I am grateful to say that, consequently, I have felt him nearby. I know that he continues to help me and our children from the other side of the veil, as well as other individuals that he loves and cares for. The gospel is true and it continues to roll forth like a stone cut out of the mountain without hands. The work is being done on both sides of the veil in preparation for the return of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. I know that to be true. As I am faced with each new day, I feel Satan trying to drag me down in despair and frustration. I recognize that he is there, and I also realize that God is there, That in His strength, and perhaps with the strength of his angels to come to my aid I can acc...

Happy Birthday to daddy's little princess! Allison's birthday was the day after Dave's funeral last year. It was so important to me that it was a day especially for her and it turned out to be just that. All of the focus was on her, and because of the funeral, she had around 30 kids at her party on a beautiful, warm day. It couldn't have been better. Now, she has grown one year older and is just one more year from being baptized. Initially, upon finding out about Dave's cancer, I plead with the Lord and asked that if he had to take Dave, would he please spare him long enough to baptize Jacob? The Lord heard that prayer. Now, Allison will have a choice of several worthy family members to baptize her on behalf of her father. In his foresight, Dave wrote birthday cards to the children. Allison's this year spoke of how much her Daddy misses her and encouraged her to hold on to the memories of all of the outings and fun times that we had together. He promised...

A few months before Dave passed away, he came across a talk that read as follows: "In Doctrine and Covenants 136:31, the Lord says, 'My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.'" "I now wonder how the Lord is pruning me. Am I learning the lessons he wants me to learn? Am I bearing fruit worthy of Him? Do I see and appreciate the guidance of the Master's hand in my life? Do I let go of what is unnecessary or sinful in my life and keep only that which is good?" I believe that we would all answer that Dave did. He went about doing good and was a positive influence in the lives of many, many people. I know that he continues to influence my life for the better. If you are reading this, please take a minute to add a comment. Share with us a memory that you have of Dave, a story of how he's affected yo...

You know that I would much rather have you here, but every time I walk past your picture and see your smiling face, I am assured that you really aren't very far away. I'll love you forever! Georgia

In June of 2006, David Johnson Allred was diagnosed with Stage IIIC Metastatic Melanoma. At that point he was given 3-5 years to live. Immediately he underwent surgery to remove the infected lymph nodes, did a water fast for 10 days, and began interferon treatments. 5 days a week for one month and every third day for 1 year thereafter. In October of 2006, he was hospitalized due to an infection in his blood that nearly took his life. By March of 2007, he stopped inteferon therapy, and in August of 2007 we moved back to Utah so that Dave could complete his degree. We assumed that he was in remission and life was wonderful. In August of 2008, Dave was told that the cancer was back and that it had metastisized. At that point, because he was young and healthy, he was given just less than a year to live. Unfortunately, the cancer grew faster than anticipated and in December the doctor informed us that Dave would soon experience "significant debilitating problems" that would...

From the journal of David Allred December 18, 2008: "You just have to know that the deeper the pain, the deeper the trial, the harder things seem, will allow your spirit and allow your soul to be able to feel deeper and more complete joy and happiness down the road. That's why those trials are given to you. So that you can feel deeper and more complete joy than you would have ever been able to feel without having to go through those trials. You'll appreciate it more. You'll understand it more. You'll just be able to feel it . . . deeper than if you never would have gone through those things. Let yourself be happy! Let yourself feel joy. Don't feel like you're being prideful or lacking humility if you're being too happy because there is no such thing as feeling too happy or feeling too much joy. Just like there's no such thing as feeling too much pain and too much sorrow. They're just opposites and the farther you go on each scale helps you ...

Today I'm not exactly certain what I am going to share. Only that I know Dave was a wonderful person, and I know that we can all become amazing as well. I saw the transformation over the years. It was much more concentrated during his last few weeks, but he became prepared to return to God. In 2006, when we initially found out about the cancer I wanted to keep it between Dave and I. I didn't want to let others know. I didn't want them to worry. And in so doing, I was denying them their agency: the choice to help or become involved. Dave, in his wisdom, urged and pursuaded me to let everyone know. "I need their prayers and support" he recognized. (If only I hadn't been so foolish as to think that we could do it on our own.) It was soon after he found out that we let our families know. Since then I have gained a firm testimony of the power of prayer. Elder Holland has mentioned that we can, through prayer, summon angels to minister and provide relief ...

Laugh until you cry . . . or snort . . . or . . . well, we won't go into that. Thanks to Faline and Lisa for putting this party together. I laughed more than I've laughed in months. It felt great!

We are just shy of the date when Dave passed away just one year ago. Naturally, things were so bad at that point that I have no journal entries, just memories. I believe that it was about 2 weeks before Dave passed away that he went onto hospice. That day was a day of resignation for some of us. His death then seemed emminant and his physical withdrawl seemed a foreshadowing of what the future had to hold. But in spite of the present and upcoming difficulties, we all clung to our faith. When you're in life's trenches you have two options: press on, or give up. Yes. They are choices and one often seems easy and the other elusive. In the past few weeks I have recognized the significance of pressing on. Faith, Repentance, Baptism/Sacrament, endure, repeat. Dave wrote this for his funeral talk. "I want everyone to know that from the very beginning of the trial, we knew that it was part of Heavenly Father’s plan. It was the plan for us. This was shown to me in a pra...

It is natural to have down days when you're battling death. Every morning is a blessing and with every night comes the fear that it may be your last. Throughout the course of our trial with cancer, we came to trust and to ultimately know that with every breath we take, every emotion we feel, every pain that courses through us, God is there. He decides whether we live or die, but it is up to us to decide what we will do with the life we are living. Fortunately, for members of the church who have partaken of the ordinances of the temple, we know that death is not the end. It is just a passing from one side of the veil to the other. Dave feels that with that understanding is the obligation to share what you know. President Brigham Young said,"There is neither man or woman in this Church who is not on a mission. That mission will last as long as they live . . . " And then I ask? How long is life? Is it measured by the life of the mortal body or that of the Spirit? Dave's ...

We have all heard the phrase,"every member a missionary" but how many of us actually strive to fulfill that promise? Dave and I were married for 11 years. During that time, he served in many areas of the church but his favorite callings were as a ward missionary and as a high councilor. Why? Because he was able to get out among the people and regularly share his testimony of the gospel. Toward the end of his life, he lived with the constant companionship of the Holy Ghost. During one of his last Sundays at church, he came out of class to see a young man sitting outside the bishop's office. He was dressed in jeans, with a hoodie pulled over his face. The Spirit prompted Dave to stop and talk to this young man that he didn't know. Through the course of their conversation he found out that the boy was uncomfortable going to class because he didn't have any nice clothes. Immediately, Dave told him to stay put and he'd be back with some clothes. So, after...

We all know that we come to love those that we serve. Dave served his two-year mission in the Philippines. He learned to love and adore those people. He relished opportunities after his mission to speak Cebuano to anyone that he could. Dave's most significant conversion to missionary work came in the MTC when Elder Holland came and spoke. "He spoke with such power" David writes,"that it went to the core of my soul. He expressed his very personal feelings about missionary work. He pounded the pulpit many times to stress the importance that we work with all our might, that we walk the path from Gethsemane to Calvary. We must walk the hard road that God walked. The plan of salvation is not easy. It is based on obedience. . . man's extremity truly is God's opportunity. We must put ourselves out on the edge in order for God to bless us with miracles and faith. We cannot receive a witness of the truth until after the trial of our faith. . . the day I decided to go ...

Here are some of the goals that Dave set, with the words "God Honors Committment" above it. *Study scriptures 30 minutes each & also with Georgia *memorize one scripture a day from the chapter I'm in *write in journal at least 3X week *read one good book each day 15-20 pgs. *Give away 1 Book of Mormon each month *prayer- with real intent *feel the Spirit ever day and listen to it *write a book- being LDS in the business world *100% home teaching - Jerry baptized, Worden's active-temple, Cruz & Myrna baptized, Reuben & Lupita baptized. I remember this time in our lives. Because Dave was making committments and keeping them, the Lord blessed us. Dave writes, "I have felt the Spirit comfort, guide and teach me so much as I have made goals to devote more of my time to the Lord. Before I would read my scriptures and say my prayers because I felt like I owed it to the Lord and that I was required to do so by the leaders of the church. . . it fin...

This entire month has been difficult (and we're only on day 6.) It seems that every day is dragging by. My accomplishments are limited and I just feel sad and lonely. At times like this I find it difficult to believe that I agreed to this before I came down here, but I must have known that the end result would be positive. It's not about who can sprint the fastest, but who finishes the race, right? I don't know if the kids have been feeling Dave's absence more lately, but I certainly have. Life wasn't meant to be lived alone. I gained that testimony as soon as I had to start doing it on my own. I'm so grateful for family and friends that keep me going. I love you all! Georgia

Although Dave was never healed of his cancer, we witnessed many small miracles throughout the course of our lives. One of Dave's greatest concerns was that everyone would overlook the small miracles: being able to keep his food down or eat every so often, having a sunny day in October that Dave could mountain bike, the miracle of friends, the miracle of helping to administer and bless the sacrament, 4-wheeling in December, skiing in January, living to see Jacob baptized. His hope was that no one would overlook what great things the Lord had done in search for something greater such as healing. "The greatest miracle," he testified,"is that we see the miracles, regardless of their size." Another blessing we received was the ability to recognize that trials are not meant to be passed through alone. And, as a result of our own trials, others can witness miracles in their lives.

In August of 2008 when Dave was given only a few months to live, he was questioning his contributions to this earth. "I have always felt like the Lord has had a great work for me to do and I was wondering when or where or if that was ever going to happen." Then the Spirit came over Dave as he crossed the back yard and joined Jacob on the swings. It was then that it was witnessed to him that his children and his family were the greatest contributions he could have made to the earth. Dave also recognized that he would be blessed to continue helping his children from up above.

If you can believe it, Jacob is now nine! I remember June of 2006 when Dave was diagnosed with cancer. Jacob was just 5 years old then and he was blessed to spend three extra years with his dad. Jacob is our smiley guy. It seems that there is always a smile across his face. (Unless Caden just hurt him and then he's crying, but he'll smile as soon as you hug him.) Life is great for Jacob. It's full of fun and all of the adventure that you can create in your mind. He always has a new way of looking at thingsWe love you Jacob! And we are so very grateful that you were sent to be a part of our family! We hope you have a wonderful birthday! Love, Dad, Mom, Caden and Alli

Because I have been doing these daily posts, I have taken the time and opportunity to start reading Dave's journal. I have been so impressed with the outstanding person that he was. And I have begun to recognize that the Lord qualifies us for the tests and trials that we will go through. Back in January of 2003 Dave said,"We have been blessed so much to this point in our marriage. I often wonder why, but always come back to the feeling that there is something greater that He has in store for us. So we try to live worthy of each new calling and to be ready to serve however He needs us." In looking back, I have to say that we have done many great things, and it has been because we allowed the Lord to guide our path. In Dave's patriarchal blessing it states that he would be blessed with life "suffiecient in length [to] be able to accomplish all that our Father in Heaven expect[ed of him]." We were far from recognizing in 2003 that one of the "greater...

Even after Dave was diagnosed with malignant melanoma and went into "full-time retirement" as he liked to call it, he took on challenges on a constant basis. One was this castle that he lovingly built for the boys. It is constructed primarily of chicken wire and paper mache. But he also added some foam (to fill in the voids) as well as some expensive duct work that he transformed into secret chutes and tunnels. All in all, it cost well over $100 to build it, but he loved it as much as the boys did once it was done. Dave was never too busy to have fun.

I was pondering a few things the other morning when I came up with this saying: "The difference between being good and being great is simply a matter of priority." I don't know if I pulled it out of the deep recesses of my brain or if I actually authored it myself. Either way, it's a great quote! This month, in 2009, was the last month of David's life. Because of that, I would like to take the opportunity to share with you some of my feelings and hopefully some audio clips of Dave with regard to his journey from being good to becoming great. I hope that you all enjoy the journey along with me!

Well, Dave's youngest brother, Clay turns 21 years old today. Is he really THAT old? I can't believe it. I typically perceive someone that age as mature. We have one more month before he gets back from his mission and we can really find out. Love ya Clay!

Here is a journal entry of mine from February 6 one year ago. "Just the thought of being alone makes me really lonely.The discovery of the pre-chemo medications was a miracle to our family. Without them, Dave would not be here today. It has enabled him to have the appetite of a normal person, even while the cancerous tumors grow in his stomach and digestive tract. Yesterday and the day before haven't been the best days for Dave. He's spent a majority of the last two days sleeping. (A bad sign for someone you want to live.) He recognizes his sleepiness as a bad sign also. He'll tell me that he wants to get up, but he feels like he could just sleep all day. The night before last he went to bed around 5pm, got up for 1 1/2 hours, and then slept until 10 the next morning. That's over 15 hours. It makes me nervous, and more introspective. Now it seems more real. Now I can see myself being alone- and I don't like it. I don't even like the word. Presid...

Today I celebrate another birthday. My first as a single mom. As the song says, "I can feel the weight on my shoulder." Life goes on and I've got decisions to make, but I don't know which direction I should go. So much weighs on my mind every day. There are decisions that I have to make, but I don't feel adequate to make them. It's amazing to think of all that I have gone through in the last year. It really seems decades ago that Dave was so sick with cancer because so much of life has changed. So many of the things that we always did together, I have had to do alone. Even as I say it though, I have to admit that he has been there each step of the journey. Most especially when he first passed away. I believe that our loving Heavenly Father recognizes that we couldn't handle to lose our loved one's mortal body as well as their spirit, so he allows them to gradually work their way out of our lives. When Dave first passed away, I felt him around constantl...

We love you dad!

Well, thanks to all of you for your love and support thoughout the past years. I just spoke with my friend, Ryan tonight, and after a lengthy discussion . . . it's over. I hate to say it, but it's probably for the best. I need someone who will love me with all of their heart, not just part of it. The most frustrating part for me is the overwhelming spirit I felt in Jerusalem. The Lord can bring someone to you, He can witness to you that it's right, but it's up to you to exercise your agency and pursue the course. Unfortunately, the pathway that Ryan and I were walking on only converged for a brief moment. But in it I found the greatest joy and happiness that I have felt in a very long time. Thanks for the memories. Once again I have to go back to Dave's favorite quote,"Man's extremity is God's opportunity." And Dave's sermon: "Pain and joy are just opposites. The more pain you experience, the greater and more complete your joy....

I was warned by a friend of mine that when boys begin to hit puberty, there is a prolonged absense of common sense for a period of 4-6 years. Well, I think it's here! It's snowing outside, about 40 degrees, and my 10 year old doesn't think he needs a shirt! On top of that, he's throwing snowballs at the windows, he won't stow the scouting flag in the garage where it belongs, and he took the indoor electric space heater and plugged it in outside to keep himself warm. (Altered mental status.) I pulled the space heater in, but when I tried to get him to change the other things, he told me to shut up, smiled, and threw a snowball at me. All I'm asking is, "Where is this boys father?"