When it comes to living our lives, Christ doesn't make up the difference. He IS the difference.

Here is a journal entry of mine from February 6 one year ago. "Just the thought of being alone makes me really lonely.The discovery of the pre-chemo medications was a miracle to our family. Without them, Dave would not be here today. It has enabled him to have the appetite of a normal person, even while the cancerous tumors grow in his stomach and digestive tract. Yesterday and the day before haven't been the best days for Dave. He's spent a majority of the last two days sleeping. (A bad sign for someone you want to live.) He recognizes his sleepiness as a bad sign also. He'll tell me that he wants to get up, but he feels like he could just sleep all day. The night before last he went to bed around 5pm, got up for 1 1/2 hours, and then slept until 10 the next morning. That's over 15 hours. It makes me nervous, and more introspective. Now it seems more real. Now I can see myself being alone- and I don't like it. I don't even like the word. Presid...

Today I celebrate another birthday. My first as a single mom. As the song says, "I can feel the weight on my shoulder." Life goes on and I've got decisions to make, but I don't know which direction I should go. So much weighs on my mind every day. There are decisions that I have to make, but I don't feel adequate to make them. It's amazing to think of all that I have gone through in the last year. It really seems decades ago that Dave was so sick with cancer because so much of life has changed. So many of the things that we always did together, I have had to do alone. Even as I say it though, I have to admit that he has been there each step of the journey. Most especially when he first passed away. I believe that our loving Heavenly Father recognizes that we couldn't handle to lose our loved one's mortal body as well as their spirit, so he allows them to gradually work their way out of our lives. When Dave first passed away, I felt him around constantl...

We love you dad!

Well, thanks to all of you for your love and support thoughout the past years. I just spoke with my friend, Ryan tonight, and after a lengthy discussion . . . it's over. I hate to say it, but it's probably for the best. I need someone who will love me with all of their heart, not just part of it. The most frustrating part for me is the overwhelming spirit I felt in Jerusalem. The Lord can bring someone to you, He can witness to you that it's right, but it's up to you to exercise your agency and pursue the course. Unfortunately, the pathway that Ryan and I were walking on only converged for a brief moment. But in it I found the greatest joy and happiness that I have felt in a very long time. Thanks for the memories. Once again I have to go back to Dave's favorite quote,"Man's extremity is God's opportunity." And Dave's sermon: "Pain and joy are just opposites. The more pain you experience, the greater and more complete your joy....