When it comes to living our lives, Christ doesn't make up the difference. He IS the difference.

Christmas morning came much too early. Caden and Jacob were up by 4, but waited patiently until 5 to wake Allison up. Then, Allison came into my room at 5:45 to let me know that they weren't going to wait any longer, so I drug myself out of bed. Caden's favorite gift this year: walkie talkies. Allison's favorite gift: her new outfit. Jacob's favorite gift: his frogs; Dottie and Bob.

December 24th marked 9 months since Dave's passing. A lot has happened since then. Christmas was not as bad as I'd anticipated. Throughout the season, none of the children mentioned wanting anything specific. It seemed that they were just grateful to be together and quite reticent. I missed spending about 10 days of this holiday season with them since I was in Jerusalem, and I do wish that we'd had more time and opportunity to celebrate the miracle of Christ's birth. I find myself wishing that every year. I went to dollar tree on Christmas day and they'd already put out the Valentine candy. Why can't we focus more on Christ all year long? Dave has been and will continue to be a wonderful blessing and an inspiration to us throughout our lives. We are better for having known him. He left a legacy for all of us to follow. I am still so very grateful for the cards,videos and recordings that he left for all of us. I am very aware that he is near and mindf...

Back at the beginning of the school year, Vickie called and invited me to go to Jerusalem with her on her return trip this December. At first, I was a bit frightened. I've never been out of the country before, you know! After talking with my math teacher to see whether I could change my final exam date or not, I agreed to go. As soon as I agreed to go, my anxiety melted away and all I felt was excitement and anticipation. On December 4, 2009, we flew from SLC to NYC and then to Telaviv. It was a very long flight where we slept a little more than 1 hour. But we were in the Holy land for nearly 10 days and it was a wonderful experience overall. One that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world. Dave passed away on March 24, 2009: just 20 days after Jacob was baptized, and 4 days before Allison's sixth birthday. It wasn't easy, and life has had it's barrage of challenges, but we have also been very blessed. Last year when Vickie went to Jerusalem, Dave ende...

It was just this time last year when we had finally found some pre-chemo medications that enabled Dave to begin eating again. During the first part of December, he had been unable to eat anything but liquids, and was going downhill very rapidly. We were all wondering if he would make it through Christmas. After meeting with the doctor and expressing my concern that Dave wasn't doing all that he could be doing (implying that he ought to try some type of Chemotherapy even if the chance was 1 in a couple million), the doctor talked him into beginning therapy. In brief, he learned that the pre-meds helped him be able to eat, and he opted to take them, but not the treatment. We'd been blessed with our miracle. Christmas was wonderful, and we all began to relish every moment that we had together.

Well life is full of ironies isn't it? I haven't been on my blog for almost a month and much has changed. It struck me that the quote I chose to use last month was "Life is filled with recollections of the past and anticipation for the future." Indeed, that is exactly where I am. For the first couple of weeks in December, I went with my mother-in-law, Vickie, to Jerusalem. I was able to visit with Elder Holland before I went and he said that I would feel Dave nearby. "In fact," he continued,"I wouldn't be surprised if the Lord let him have a little vacation from what he's doing right now, and allowed him stay by your side the entire time." I wept tears of gratitude that Elder Holland had expressed exactly what I had hoped for during my visit. Gratefully, I can say that I witnessed the fulfillment of that promise, but it came in ways that were completely unexpected and unanticipated. To make a very lengthy and detailed story short, I m...

It will be a long time before I am able to write 7 years and 8 months with regard to David's passing, but this day is memorable in more than one way. It has been 7 years today since Dave's father, Clayton Allred, passed away due to complications from a brain tumor. In the 4 years that I knew him, he had a profound influence on me. He taught me much about family and unconditional love. My favorite words that he always spoke were, "I love you and I'm proud of you." And I knew that he was. Dave and I were both the oldest, so our first year of marriage was very intense most of the time. (We both insisted that we wouldn't have to argue so much if the other would just concede their position.) But even amid our quarrels,regardless of who was right or wrong, Clayton always took the side of the in-laws. (Wise man. It's much easier to stay on the good side of the women.) It also helped unite our family. It was he who truly made me realize that I was a pa...

If you can believe it, this was our house just three weeks before we closed on it. Adam Lake performed a miracle getting us into our house before the holidays. We can't thank him enough. Dave and I both thought that we had to get into the house so that we wouldn't loose our interest rate, but that wasn't it. We had to enjoy making memories of Thanksgiving and Christmas together- for the last time. Here is an entry from my journal just three days after we had moved in. " You think it's all too much, and then it starts to rain. We moved into our house last Saturday. We had over 20 men show up ( most of them high priests) to help us move into our new home that we haven't closed on yet. Then, about 5 women in the ward came to help me unpack. It was amazing to have the show of support that we did. Additionally, my dad came down, brought Jacob's pirate bed, and helped us assemble Allison's castle bed. My mom also came down and was completely amazin...

Hawaii was so much fun for all of us. It was such a new experience for the kids all the way around. They had their first airport experience, their first ride in an airplane, their first time out of the continental U.S., etc. They were absolute angels on the 6 hour plane ride over to Hawaii. I even got compliments from the passengers on how well behaved my children were. (I'll treasure that moment forever. I'm fairly certain it was because I'd specifically asked everyone to pray that the kids would behave for the ride over. It worked.) Our first 2 1/2 days were on the island of Oahu. That's where Dave and I went almost exactly two years ago. I was able to show the kids where we'd been and tell them what fun we had. Naturally, we visited the PCC and had all sorts of fun playing in the ocean. Hukilau beach, which is the beach nearest to the PCC was the kids favorite. They played in the waves and even did some boogie boarding. "Dum dum, you give me gum gu...

It was two years ago this month that Dave and I took a "second honeymoon" to Hawaii. It was great fun. (Much more relaxing than going with the kids.) We were able to rent a condo right on the ocean, so the breezes blew through our window at night. We enjoyed just being together and experiencing life and all of its wonders together. One year ago this month, we were at the Coral Pink Sand Dunes with my brother, Alden, his wife, Natalie, and their kids. By this point, the tumors in Dave's stomach were starting to bother him and he spent the first day throwing up and feeling miserable. Fortunately, and in answer to our prayers, he felt better for the last two days and had the time of his life tackeling the huge dunes on his 800cc Can Am. There is nothing that we, as his family, wouldn't exhange to have him here, rather than just the memories, but this is our lot. We know that the Lord loves us and that he wishes the best for all of us, but that doesn't necessa...

Aloha! Isn't it nice that aloha means both goodbye and hello? As if our separation will circle back around into our reunion. Likewise, death is an goodbye to life on this earth, but a hello and a coming home on the other side. Only three days left until the kids and I are in Hawaii. I am so excited to show them around the island of Oahu. That's were Dave and I went both times and we just love it there. It was a wonderful experience, and I hope to share with the kids some of the memories that Dave and I made there. We'll be on Oahu for 2 days, and Kauai (with Ben and Lisa and kids) for four. I'm hoping that I'll come home refreshed and ready to get back to real life again. Aloha!

Well, since it's almost midnight, I suppose that I can start writing. Who says I actually have to wait until tomorrow? Doesn't Dave have the most beautiful, catching smile? That's what charmed me from the very beginning. I can't believe that it has been six months since he passed away. It's amazing to think that we've all survived and we aren't that much worse for the wear. Naturally, we miss Dave and think about him often. ( I think about him every day, but I don't want to downplay every one elses feelings.) He was such a powerful man and such a strong influence for good. As I was doing this video, I downloaded twice as many photos as you see, but because I wanted them to fit within the length of the first song, I had to chop all but the most important ones: our family. Just about a year ago, as Dave sat pondering his lot in life and his contributions he questioned the Lord. "Is this it? Is this all I get to do? What have I accomplished?" An...

When we were able to speak with Elder Holland over the phone back in February, I was uncomfortable speaking to a general authority. I was afraid of stumbling over my words, sounding dumb, or saying something that I shouldn't. Dave, however, was completely at ease. He spoke to him as his friend and commented to me later that he would behave the same if the prophet or if Christ were in our home. "He is my friend. I know him and I love him." David did, and David does. Today I was able to drive with the kids down to St. George and meet with Elder and Sister Holland. It was an experience that I will always prize. But what amazes me the most is that I don't feel any different. I don't know what I was expecting to feel, but I just feel like me. He didn't tell me I wasn't doing things right, he didn't counsel me, he just listened, and provided hope. And Sister Holland? Hurrah for the sister's of this church. The backbone of the men, and the sup...

I can't believe that my oldest is already 10 years old. Thanks to Dave's preparation, Caden was able to open a birthday card from him today. It encouraged him to start to prepare for the priesthood that he will receive in two years. I can't believe he's only two years away from being a deacon! Caden had a great birthday. He got to celebrate at school, at the soccer game (where he scored 2 of the 3 goals), and at Applebee's after. Thanks for all of the phonecalls. I think that he really enjoyed his day. Caden is such a hard worker. He strives for 100% when it comes to school. He won't take anything less, but he loves to get extra credit! Last year his overall score was 432/435 total points or something like that. Dave and I sarcastically expressed our disappointment. Caden took the 4-wheeler certification course just 3 weeks ago. He told me that the test would be a piece of cake and so he didn't study. (I was hoping that he would fail and learn th...

Five months and we're still holding onto you, Daddy. We love you and we miss you so much. We're trying to be good so that we can be with you again. Sometimes we feel you nearby. At first, I thought that I was hurting so deeply, that it couldn't possibly get worse, and with every passing day and month, it gets worse. You hurt deeper and love greater. It's like a wound that is deep, and as you clean a little of the dirt and grime away it feels a little better, but you can never fully recover until you get down deep and clean all of the "gunk" out. "I hold it true, whate'er befall; I feel it, when I sorrow most; 'Tis better to have loved and lost Than never to have loved at all." -Tennyson

We love going back to school! It was so peaceful around the house the day the kids started back to school. I decluttered, canned chicken, froze hamburger and ran errands! Yeah! I have my life back!

Brother and Sister Hunt took us up to their property on Cedar Mountain, near Kolob reservoir. It was beautiful. It turns out Jacob is not allergic to horses, just hay. These ones that feed from the mountain meadows don't give him any problems. Alli enjoyed riding the horses, and named the colt "Chewey" because he was chewing on anything and everything. I got to lead Jacob and Allison around on the horse. Caden didn't really like the colt chewing on his foot. What he really enjoys is 4-wheeling!

Owing to Dave's illness, we were put in contact with Elder Holland. He has been a blessing and a balm to us in our times of trial. I contact him once a month, as he requested, to update him on how our family is doing. This month, I contacted him early, requesting that he make a phonecall to the McDonald(18)boy (mentioned in my previous entry) while he recoveres in the hospital. The response from this wonderful man was, "Will do." Thanks to his wonderful example of discipleship, I now know how the Savior loves each one of us. He is never to busy or over-burdened to find time for those who stray, or just find the pathway too difficult to walk alone. He loves us!

Today I went to the funeral of one of my friends boys- Mason. He drowned last Monday when they were at Lake Powell. He was just 4 years old a week ago. Seeing his little body in the casket reminded me of my brother, Cameron, who died at the age of 2. Both had blonde hair and sparkling blue eyes. I can only imagine how the parents must feel. Neither would have wanted this to happen, but it did and they are left to live without him for a while. They have been judged so harshly by others who have no understanding of the situation, or of the active boy that Mason was. I don't remember him ever sitting still. I also read in the paper that the husband of Jacob's 1st grade teacher (Wendy McDonald who was killed in a car accident two years ago) just died in a car crash, leaving behind all of their children. The oldest one, who was also involved in the accident, will be in the hospital up north for the next 4-5 months. Today I have really contemplated life and how fragile it rea...

Last August we went down to Safford for Charity's baptism and we spent a day on the San Carlos reservoir. All of the kids got up on the water skiis. Jacob even skiied for over 5 minutes until he was so tired that he let go of the rope! I tried about 5 times, and threw in the towel. After looking at the home video, Dave tried about 16 times before he finally got up. He must have been exhausted, but he wasn't going to let surgery or a torn rotator cuff or cancer-eaten bones keep him down. He was the perfect example of persistance. He tried and tried until he got it right. (Which meant switching hands once he was up, much to Ben's dismay as he had not yet mastered the same feat.) Thanks for not giving up, honey.

Today is four months since you left us, David. It's hard to believe that it's been so long. It seems like you're still with us. I never thought I would make it this far. Just last year at this time we were headed up for a trip along the Oregon Coast. Wasn't that so much fun? The kids want to go back. We love you!

Thanks to our home teacher, Brother Hunt, the kids were all able to go horseback riding the other day. Doesn't Caden look grown up?

The kids and I had a lot of fun at the Allred reunion near Flagstaff, AZ this year.

If you can imagine it, just last July 4th, Dave and I were up enjoying the fireworks with my family and on July 5th we hiked to Timpanogos cave. Then, just one week after that, we took the kids (and the 4-wheelers)to Bryce Canyon. And just a few days after that, on July 17th, we found out that the cancer was back, and that it was terminal.

Here's to you, David. The man that made us all better. What a blessing it was to know you, and to continue feeling your influence in our lives. You were a teacher and your lessons continue to teach and help us each day. It's difficult to think that you're really gone. Could we really be without you? Isn't it better when we're all together? We miss your hugs, your teasing, and your laughter! Life goes on each day, but we will never forget you and all that you stood for! We miss you with all of our hearts and look foreward to the day when we can be reunited never to part again! Love, Georgia, Caden, Jacob, and Allison

These are pictures of Dave just one week before he passed away. It is clear to see how he was just hanging on to life. By this point, he hadn't eaten for over a week, and couldn't even keep liquids down because the tumor obstructed anything from getting through.

The title of the song is "Burn" but it's more like, "Down, down, down in a burnin ball of fire."

Have you ever sung along with one of those Playstation songs? I've found that even better than singing along, is recording those who do! Take a listen to this- it's David and Ben.

Because my blog seems to be a bit melancholy, I've decided to upload a couple of fun family videos. This one is of Alli when she was about two. Enjoy!

The other night the kids and I were gathered around the dinner table when Allison blurted out the question, "If you wish you were dead, raise your hand!" Both she and Jacob raised their hands. "Why do you wish you were dead?" I asked, concerned. "Because," she explained, "if we were dead then we would be with Daddy again." And without hesitation she asked enthusiastically, "Who wishes they were dead, raise your hand?!!!" Immediately Allison and Jacob raised their hands and Caden and I, after a moment of pondering, thought- why not? And we shrugged our shoulders and raised our hands! Here's to wishing we were dead! ( Or really just wishing that we were with daddy again.)

Because the people Dave had wanted to speak at his funeral were unable to come, Dave ended up being the concluding speaker at his own funeral. Several people have asked me for a copy of his talk, so here it is. Thanks to all of the angels who have been sent in the form of service, visits, phone calls, e-mails & letters. You have helped me in so many ways. During the first week of December, a group of guys from Tucson came up to visit. They’re kind of a rough group; strike first, strike hard. You know the type. Through the years I’ve grown to love them like brothers. They would do anything to help me and I them. Any one of them would trade places with me if they could, but at the risk of diminishing their reputation, they were a “tough” group of guys. They visited for a day and went home. I was much lifted by their visit. We had such a good time riding the quads and staying up reminiscing. After they left I started to feel worse. I ended up on a fluid diet for many days an...

The grief we feel at first can be compared to a raging forest fire. Wild and out of control it destroys all life withing its range. We are powerless to stop it as it burns and destroys- nothing will ever be good again. As the fire slowly dies down, we are surrounded by the ugliness of black charred death and destruction. But after a time, the rains come and gently carry away the soot and ashes and slowly we see small green shoots of life spring forth. And so it is with our grief- a time came when we saw signs of green in our lives once again. It may be smiling or laughing aloud. It may be experiencing joy and happiness for a brief time. It may be feeling an hour or day has gone by without being engulfed in our sorrow. We are beginning to recover. As the forest once again grows back into a living habitation, we re-enter life. But the forest has changed. Never again will it look or be completely the same. It must start over with what it has. And we have changed too. Never again will life...