Jerusalem
Back at the beginning of the school year, Vickie called and invited me to go to Jerusalem with her on her return trip this December. At first, I was a bit frightened. I've never been out of the country before, you know! After talking with my math teacher to see whether I could change my final exam date or not, I agreed to go. As soon as I agreed to go, my anxiety melted away and all I felt was excitement and anticipation.
On December 4, 2009, we flew from SLC to NYC and then to Telaviv. It was a very long flight where we slept a little more than 1 hour. But we were in the Holy land for nearly 10 days and it was a wonderful experience overall. One that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
Dave passed away on March 24, 2009: just 20 days after Jacob was baptized, and 4 days before Allison's sixth birthday. It wasn't easy, and life has had it's barrage of challenges, but we have also been very blessed. Last year when Vickie went to Jerusalem, Dave ended up becoming very ill, but mom was blessed with a spirit of peace and was also able to feel the presence of her deceased husband, Clayton. I do believe, having been there, that the veil is thinner there than in other places.
When I mentioned to Elder Holland that I would be going to Jerusalem, he called me the day before I left to find out the details of the trip and encourage me on my way. As I mentioned before, he promised me that I (as Vickie did last year with her husband) would feel Dave nearby. I was able to witness the fulfillment of that promise. By way of introduction to some and explanation to all, this is how I met my new friend, Ryan Harmer.
Upon arriving at the airport to check in, I first saw Ryan Harmer, I felt compelled to run over and give him a hug, but resisted. (This response is not part of my nature. My college roommate, Anna said it best. "You're very loving, but you're not one to just run over and give someone a hug." Truthfully, that would be something that Anna would do. Not me.) I felt immediately like I’d known him, but was confused by my emotions. “Wow,” I found myself saying. “That was odd.” And I brushed it away.
I was never able to completely brush the feeling away, however.
I found myself struggling to become reacquainted with this person that I seemed to already know. I struggled with my emotions for the first couple of days. I was constantly aware of Ryan and what he was doing. I was observing and analyzing. He seemed like a very good person: outgoing, friendly, courteous, helpful to the older ladies, a child-like enthusiasm for life, and a sincere love of the gospel.
I recognized him as a person that I would enjoy knowing, but I was struggling so much with the emotions that I was feeling, that I had more of a tendency to stay away until I could sort things out. Sitting just one row in front of him on the bus was almost too much. I sat with my hands in my lap, head bowed, trying to figure out what was going on and why I felt to driven to get to know him.
On the evening of the second day, a group of us went on a walk into town and he seized the opportunity to strike up a conversation with me. He (having already discovered that I was a widow) began to ask me about my husband, my children, and my life. It was then that I felt Dave’s presence, and naturally, found myself enjoying the company of this young man. He seemed so sincerely interested in my life and present circumstance. He commented on what a wonderful man Dave must have been, how we'd probably had the type of marriage that most people dream about, and I wholeheartedly agreed with a very big smile on my face.
That night, I mentioned to my mother-in-law, Vickie, how much I had enjoyed speaking with Ryan about Dave and my children and how wonderful it felt to talk about them so openly. Naturally, I found myself crying that night, thankful for the emotions that Ryan had stirred up and brought to the surface. Dave was such a good man, and Ryan had made me appreciate him and his sacrifice once again.
The next day, thanks to Ryan prodding the tour guides, we went to visit the Galilee branch house. The whole tour group admired the beauty of the building and its surroundings, and at one point, Ryan casually asked Vickie to take a picture of the two of us. As he would with any of his friends, he put his arm around me for the photo and I recoiled against it. (It’s a wonderfully expressive photo that now makes me laugh.) I was still wearing my wedding ring, and didn’t want any confusion on the part of any members of the tour group. Immediately, Ryan was upset at himself for “rushing” things. Ryan wanted to give me my space and didn’t join the rest of us as we naturally congregated in the chapel and began singing Christmas songs.
Singing in the chapel was the most spiritual portion of the trip for me. I am certain that heavenly angels joined us in our singing as the Spirit became an almost overpowering presence in the room. Additionally, I felt Dave’s presence with such force, that I felt it might consume me. It was almost as if he were inside of me, or at the very least, he was curled up in my lap. It was at that moment, in Ryan’s absence, that I was able to discern with a sure conviction that I had been feeling Dave while I was in Ryan’s presence, and I knew that I had to bear my testimony. After several hymns, we concluded singing and I asked for a quick moment to bear my testimony. I explained to everyone in our group that my mother-in-law and I were together on the tour because we were both widows, and I explained Elder Holland's promise that I would feel Dave. I witnessed that I had felt Dave, and also testified that our God is a God of miracles. After my testimony, we closed with a prayer.
After that experience, I felt an even greater need to talk with Ryan. Later that evening, I found him outside visiting with other members of our tour group. When we all decided that it was time for bed, he asked if he could walk me to my room and I agreed. Before dropping me off, he struggled to express his thoughts. He mentioned how Dave’s passing was so recent, and how I would need time to work through things and to mourn. “But,” he struggled to find the right words, “if there ever came a time that you would be interested in going out. . .” he went on to say whether in a year or two or nine months, “I would be available.”
“I would like that.” I expressed openly. I went on to explain how I’d been intending to talk with him about how I’d felt Dave around when he was near, and he was quite taken back.
“Can we find somewhere to talk?” he queried, and we walked downstairs to the lobby and began talking.
As we spoke, I felt Dave with me with nearly as much intensity as I had at the Galilee branch house. I had to say all that I’d been feeling. We both shared our stories, and both acknowledged feeling as if we’d known the other before. We had also had an awareness of where the other was at all times. As we continued speaking I came to a realization: “I know,” I shared with Ryan, “Dave loves me enough that he would find someone for me if he could.” It was then that I felt a strong confirmation.
And there is the beginning of the story. Obviously the story is much longer, because almost three weeks have passed since then, and perhaps I can share that another time.
I have also felt Dave since, but not so often or as powerfully as I had that night while I was visiting with Ryan. I do know that Dave will continue to help us, but that he is very busy with the work on the other side, and has taken the opportunity to provide the best husband for me and father for my children that he possibly could.
On our way home to Cedar City, I expressed this thought to my mother-in-law.
“This is probably the hardest thing that Dave has ever done. . . to hand me over, in a way, to someone else.”
Vickie answered immediately, “No.” I looked at her in suprise. “The hardest thing he’s ever had to do is to watch you struggle alone.”
Immediately I received another witness of the truth of her words and was overcome with gratitude for the many people who love me and for my many blessings.
It will be three weeks tomorrow since I have met Ryan, which shocks most everyone. That is understandable, and we aren't planning on getting married in the next month or even two or three. There is no date set. We are just taking the opportunity to get to know each other better. The more I know, the more I want to know. He is a very impressive person. He has met the kids and they all took an immediate liking to him. By the end of our first outing together, Jacob had drawn a picture for him, Caden had arranged their first ski trip, and Allison was asking if she could sleep over at his house. Vickie has also taken a liking to him, and feels very confident about the whole situation.
I don't want anyone to form opinions based upon what I've said. And if you have the opportunity to meet with him yourself, I have no doubt that you will come to know what I know of Ryan, and to see what I see in him.
And as for the future, I trust in the Lord and thank him for my many blessings unmeasured. My cup runneth o'er.
On December 4, 2009, we flew from SLC to NYC and then to Telaviv. It was a very long flight where we slept a little more than 1 hour. But we were in the Holy land for nearly 10 days and it was a wonderful experience overall. One that I wouldn't trade for anything in the world.
Dave passed away on March 24, 2009: just 20 days after Jacob was baptized, and 4 days before Allison's sixth birthday. It wasn't easy, and life has had it's barrage of challenges, but we have also been very blessed. Last year when Vickie went to Jerusalem, Dave ended up becoming very ill, but mom was blessed with a spirit of peace and was also able to feel the presence of her deceased husband, Clayton. I do believe, having been there, that the veil is thinner there than in other places.
When I mentioned to Elder Holland that I would be going to Jerusalem, he called me the day before I left to find out the details of the trip and encourage me on my way. As I mentioned before, he promised me that I (as Vickie did last year with her husband) would feel Dave nearby. I was able to witness the fulfillment of that promise. By way of introduction to some and explanation to all, this is how I met my new friend, Ryan Harmer.
Upon arriving at the airport to check in, I first saw Ryan Harmer, I felt compelled to run over and give him a hug, but resisted. (This response is not part of my nature. My college roommate, Anna said it best. "You're very loving, but you're not one to just run over and give someone a hug." Truthfully, that would be something that Anna would do. Not me.) I felt immediately like I’d known him, but was confused by my emotions. “Wow,” I found myself saying. “That was odd.” And I brushed it away.
I was never able to completely brush the feeling away, however.
I found myself struggling to become reacquainted with this person that I seemed to already know. I struggled with my emotions for the first couple of days. I was constantly aware of Ryan and what he was doing. I was observing and analyzing. He seemed like a very good person: outgoing, friendly, courteous, helpful to the older ladies, a child-like enthusiasm for life, and a sincere love of the gospel.
I recognized him as a person that I would enjoy knowing, but I was struggling so much with the emotions that I was feeling, that I had more of a tendency to stay away until I could sort things out. Sitting just one row in front of him on the bus was almost too much. I sat with my hands in my lap, head bowed, trying to figure out what was going on and why I felt to driven to get to know him.
On the evening of the second day, a group of us went on a walk into town and he seized the opportunity to strike up a conversation with me. He (having already discovered that I was a widow) began to ask me about my husband, my children, and my life. It was then that I felt Dave’s presence, and naturally, found myself enjoying the company of this young man. He seemed so sincerely interested in my life and present circumstance. He commented on what a wonderful man Dave must have been, how we'd probably had the type of marriage that most people dream about, and I wholeheartedly agreed with a very big smile on my face.
That night, I mentioned to my mother-in-law, Vickie, how much I had enjoyed speaking with Ryan about Dave and my children and how wonderful it felt to talk about them so openly. Naturally, I found myself crying that night, thankful for the emotions that Ryan had stirred up and brought to the surface. Dave was such a good man, and Ryan had made me appreciate him and his sacrifice once again.
The next day, thanks to Ryan prodding the tour guides, we went to visit the Galilee branch house. The whole tour group admired the beauty of the building and its surroundings, and at one point, Ryan casually asked Vickie to take a picture of the two of us. As he would with any of his friends, he put his arm around me for the photo and I recoiled against it. (It’s a wonderfully expressive photo that now makes me laugh.) I was still wearing my wedding ring, and didn’t want any confusion on the part of any members of the tour group. Immediately, Ryan was upset at himself for “rushing” things. Ryan wanted to give me my space and didn’t join the rest of us as we naturally congregated in the chapel and began singing Christmas songs.
Singing in the chapel was the most spiritual portion of the trip for me. I am certain that heavenly angels joined us in our singing as the Spirit became an almost overpowering presence in the room. Additionally, I felt Dave’s presence with such force, that I felt it might consume me. It was almost as if he were inside of me, or at the very least, he was curled up in my lap. It was at that moment, in Ryan’s absence, that I was able to discern with a sure conviction that I had been feeling Dave while I was in Ryan’s presence, and I knew that I had to bear my testimony. After several hymns, we concluded singing and I asked for a quick moment to bear my testimony. I explained to everyone in our group that my mother-in-law and I were together on the tour because we were both widows, and I explained Elder Holland's promise that I would feel Dave. I witnessed that I had felt Dave, and also testified that our God is a God of miracles. After my testimony, we closed with a prayer.
After that experience, I felt an even greater need to talk with Ryan. Later that evening, I found him outside visiting with other members of our tour group. When we all decided that it was time for bed, he asked if he could walk me to my room and I agreed. Before dropping me off, he struggled to express his thoughts. He mentioned how Dave’s passing was so recent, and how I would need time to work through things and to mourn. “But,” he struggled to find the right words, “if there ever came a time that you would be interested in going out. . .” he went on to say whether in a year or two or nine months, “I would be available.”
“I would like that.” I expressed openly. I went on to explain how I’d been intending to talk with him about how I’d felt Dave around when he was near, and he was quite taken back.
“Can we find somewhere to talk?” he queried, and we walked downstairs to the lobby and began talking.
As we spoke, I felt Dave with me with nearly as much intensity as I had at the Galilee branch house. I had to say all that I’d been feeling. We both shared our stories, and both acknowledged feeling as if we’d known the other before. We had also had an awareness of where the other was at all times. As we continued speaking I came to a realization: “I know,” I shared with Ryan, “Dave loves me enough that he would find someone for me if he could.” It was then that I felt a strong confirmation.
And there is the beginning of the story. Obviously the story is much longer, because almost three weeks have passed since then, and perhaps I can share that another time.
I have also felt Dave since, but not so often or as powerfully as I had that night while I was visiting with Ryan. I do know that Dave will continue to help us, but that he is very busy with the work on the other side, and has taken the opportunity to provide the best husband for me and father for my children that he possibly could.
On our way home to Cedar City, I expressed this thought to my mother-in-law.
“This is probably the hardest thing that Dave has ever done. . . to hand me over, in a way, to someone else.”
Vickie answered immediately, “No.” I looked at her in suprise. “The hardest thing he’s ever had to do is to watch you struggle alone.”
Immediately I received another witness of the truth of her words and was overcome with gratitude for the many people who love me and for my many blessings.
It will be three weeks tomorrow since I have met Ryan, which shocks most everyone. That is understandable, and we aren't planning on getting married in the next month or even two or three. There is no date set. We are just taking the opportunity to get to know each other better. The more I know, the more I want to know. He is a very impressive person. He has met the kids and they all took an immediate liking to him. By the end of our first outing together, Jacob had drawn a picture for him, Caden had arranged their first ski trip, and Allison was asking if she could sleep over at his house. Vickie has also taken a liking to him, and feels very confident about the whole situation. I don't want anyone to form opinions based upon what I've said. And if you have the opportunity to meet with him yourself, I have no doubt that you will come to know what I know of Ryan, and to see what I see in him.
And as for the future, I trust in the Lord and thank him for my many blessings unmeasured. My cup runneth o'er.
Comments
Kari
Elder and Sister Nielsen
(Dave's parents)
Randy & Lori Morris
Kristy