Moving Forward
I have attempted to establish a new blog numerous times throughout the years, but with no success. It intimidates me, quite frankly. I have some great content to post. I've certainly learned a few lessons throughout the years that others might benefit from, but there's so much pressure and . . . COMPARISON! Comparison truly is the thief of joy. If we lived and measured our own success against ourselves, I think we would find ourselves receiving a great deal more credit than we actually do.
For the time being, I've give up the chase for a newer, more clean-looking blog, and I'll continue to post here. Aside from being out-of-date, a post is long overdue.
So, as Maria from the Sound of Music would say, "Let's start at the very beginning."
My last post was over 7 years ago. Much has happened over the course of those years, as you will soon discover. I did indeed marry Kevin Mudrow on January 7, 2011. My three children and I moved out to Grants Pass, Oregon, where he lived and practiced as a dentist. Life was good. Oregon was beautiful and we made some wonderful friends, but it had it's difficulties as well. When we married, Kevin's son was not allowed to attend the wedding. When the children and I finally had the privilege of meeting Kevin's son in person, his mother thrust him behind her as if his very life were in peril. That was where our relationship began. It was then that I really understood what I was up against in my desire to be united, to establish ourselves in an environment that was more familiar with the ex-wife than the new wife. Unfortunately, Kevin's shortcomings had been aired regularly and many had heard her side of things. In Cedar City, the children and I had received so much love, help and sympathy from our friends after Dave's passing, that the contrast of this new environment was more stark than we'd imagined possible. Thankfully, there were many who extended a hand of friendship, but it was never enough to allow us to settle down and call the place home.
Caden struggled with my remarriage. He felt that it was his responsibility to see the family through, despite his being only 11 years old at the time. At first, the ripples didn't matter. We worked through them together. But then the attacks against our character began on all sides in so many subtle ways. Kevin was so grateful, kind and compassionate at first. He thought primarily of myself and the children and how difficult the transition was for us, but it wasn't long before he began thinking of himself and how the children's actions reflected upon him. He cared more about how we made him look than he did about us.
Struggle after struggle came, and we pressed forward. The children struggled, I struggled, Kevin struggled, and so did his son. Finally, Kevin's ex-wife moved to Utah with his son. We determined that it would be best to move closer to his son. That lead us on a quest to find a dental practice. Over the course of several months, we searched and finally found ourselves in Idaho Falls. We were closer to Kevin's son, but the burden of owning a dental practice and the financial strain that came with it was too much for Kevin. To make a sad but lengthy story short, we divorced in February of 2017.
I often wonder what people think of me-what they speculate-but it really doesn't matter. I focused on improving myself for a full 18 months before I asked for the divorce. I worked on me, and I came a long way during that journey. I built myself back up to a place where I had the confidence to ask for a divorce. I'd received an answer. I knew that a divorce was what was best for myself and my children. My only regret is having to state that I am divorced. I am another of the 60% of second marriages that end in divorce. Sad, but such is my lot.
Since that time, my children and I have found a measure of peace that has been absent for several years. I don't regret my choice to marry. I knew it was right as much as I knew that divorce was right, but we are all subject to the agency of others, and that has brought me to where I am today. Single, but much more content with the way that life is working out.
My last post was over 7 years ago. Much has happened over the course of those years, as you will soon discover. I did indeed marry Kevin Mudrow on January 7, 2011. My three children and I moved out to Grants Pass, Oregon, where he lived and practiced as a dentist. Life was good. Oregon was beautiful and we made some wonderful friends, but it had it's difficulties as well. When we married, Kevin's son was not allowed to attend the wedding. When the children and I finally had the privilege of meeting Kevin's son in person, his mother thrust him behind her as if his very life were in peril. That was where our relationship began. It was then that I really understood what I was up against in my desire to be united, to establish ourselves in an environment that was more familiar with the ex-wife than the new wife. Unfortunately, Kevin's shortcomings had been aired regularly and many had heard her side of things. In Cedar City, the children and I had received so much love, help and sympathy from our friends after Dave's passing, that the contrast of this new environment was more stark than we'd imagined possible. Thankfully, there were many who extended a hand of friendship, but it was never enough to allow us to settle down and call the place home.
Caden struggled with my remarriage. He felt that it was his responsibility to see the family through, despite his being only 11 years old at the time. At first, the ripples didn't matter. We worked through them together. But then the attacks against our character began on all sides in so many subtle ways. Kevin was so grateful, kind and compassionate at first. He thought primarily of myself and the children and how difficult the transition was for us, but it wasn't long before he began thinking of himself and how the children's actions reflected upon him. He cared more about how we made him look than he did about us.
Struggle after struggle came, and we pressed forward. The children struggled, I struggled, Kevin struggled, and so did his son. Finally, Kevin's ex-wife moved to Utah with his son. We determined that it would be best to move closer to his son. That lead us on a quest to find a dental practice. Over the course of several months, we searched and finally found ourselves in Idaho Falls. We were closer to Kevin's son, but the burden of owning a dental practice and the financial strain that came with it was too much for Kevin. To make a sad but lengthy story short, we divorced in February of 2017.
I often wonder what people think of me-what they speculate-but it really doesn't matter. I focused on improving myself for a full 18 months before I asked for the divorce. I worked on me, and I came a long way during that journey. I built myself back up to a place where I had the confidence to ask for a divorce. I'd received an answer. I knew that a divorce was what was best for myself and my children. My only regret is having to state that I am divorced. I am another of the 60% of second marriages that end in divorce. Sad, but such is my lot.
Since that time, my children and I have found a measure of peace that has been absent for several years. I don't regret my choice to marry. I knew it was right as much as I knew that divorce was right, but we are all subject to the agency of others, and that has brought me to where I am today. Single, but much more content with the way that life is working out.
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