Family: for play or for work?

Do you ever feel that families are falling apart all around you?  That our families are like the scarecrow in the wizard of Oz? We're over here and we're over there . . . ?  We're all pieces of a whole that have been scattered about.  If we cannot return to the state we were in before, can we make something of what we have left?  President Gordon B. Hinkley assures us that, with families working together, we could change not only our families but society's "moral values" in "a generation or two."

I'm in!

I've spent a great deal of time thinking about work and recreation over the past couple of weeks.  How do you strike a balance between too much and not enough of either? 

Let's start at the beginning.

Work

 When the first family was created and placed upon the earth, God told Adam that he would be forced to labor "for [his] sake."  Work was provided as a blessing.  When we work together as a family we learn to recognize each others needs, and we strive to fill them.  We learn to love and serve one another, and we become more like Jesus Christ.  We can be taught about love, mercy, patience, submissiveness, meekness, and purity, but in order to develop these qualities within ourselves, we must take action.  We must experience them for ourselves.  Why have I intentionally deprived my children?

I have spent a large portion of my own life not wanting to "burden" my children with excess chores or keep them from spending "time" with their friends.  My efforts to "save them" have been done at the sacrifice of our own family unity and happiness.  "Life is an everyday affair, and the sum total of unremarkable, daily happenings defines its quality . . . few possess the courage to do small things right without recognition."  (Successful Marriages and Families p. 214). 

 Studies have demonstrated that sharing in ordinary, everyday tasks have a tremendous potential to connect us as families, dissolve feelings of heirarchy, and invite casual conversation that cannot take place in other "busy" forums.  As we do this, we mold and shape our children, and form the culture of our families.

The photos shown here are of my own family when my mom ended up having emergency brain surgery this past spring.  My mom is a doer.  She taught us all the value of work.  When she ended up in the hospital with so many projects and yard work  yet to do, we determined to get to work and finish some projects for her, so she could rest once she arrived home.  Some worked on the unfinished basement, others pulled weeds, planted the garden, edged the lawn, laid mulch around the beds, made a poster for my mom, watched the little kids or cooked food.  Everyone helped out and it was a sight to behold.  Twenty of us, all working together to help my mom out.  When she finally woke back up and was well enough to come home, she was overwhelmed by all that we'd done in her absence. Tears of gratitude poured down her face.

None of us regretted the time we spent helping out that day, but it will certainly be one of the memories that I treasure the most.  We came together as a family.

Play

 "Our free time should be used wisely to create the best possible life, to promote individual growth and strengthen families.  Meaningful recreation does not just happen;  it must be prepared for, cultivated, and privately defended." (Strengthening Marriages and Families p. 225).

 Depression is an epidemic among us, and a lot of it has to to with us not knowing when to work and when to play.  Wholesome family recreation can be a means of strengthening bonds as a family.  Heaven knows we could all use more of that.  Some of the most powerful positive feelings result from overcoming challenges and when we invest rather than consume.  How much long-term joy comes from indulging in an unhealthy filled-to-the-brim meal from the nearest burger joint versus sitting down together as a family to eat a home-cooked meal?  It brings a different feeling, doesn't it?
How about taking a family hike together?

"Okay." You're thinking, "Stop right there.  Hiking would only lead to an argument." 

Perhaps, but studies have shown that overcoming conflicts promotes a higher degree of long-term, healthy relationships.  The objective is not to avoid all conflict, but to learn how to work together.  That is what life is all about.  We are all part of one heavenly family and we have been sent here to learn to work (and play) together.

Some suggestions of ways to "play" together are:  eating dinner together as a family, playing games, taking family vacations, attending church (activities) together, creating family rituals and celebrations.  "Parents should carefully consider how they choose to spend their individual and family time  They should thoughtfully plan in order to create meaningful, memorable, and strengthening experiences for their families."  (Strengthening Marriages and Families, p. 233).












Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Image
"I call upon members of the Church and on committed parents, grandparents, and extended family members everywhere to hold fast to this great proclamation, to make it a banner not unlike General Moroni's 'title of liberty,' and to commit ourselves to live by its precepts.  As we are all part of a family, the proclamation applies to everyone." This is my family.  Me and my three children.  Some would call us "non-traditional."  But it seems that anymore, the traditional family with both a father and a mother leading the way is becomming less common than "non-traditional."  What a shame.  When Elder M. Russell Ballard shared his warning just over 10 years ago, we did not understand the extent to which the family would fall.  The family remains the target of the attacks of society at large and Satan specifically.  How do we utilize and internalize the principles contained in the proclamation?  How do we strengthen families and establish...
Read more

One year older and wiser too . . .

Image
Today I celebrate another birthday. My first as a single mom. As the song says, "I can feel the weight on my shoulder." Life goes on and I've got decisions to make, but I don't know which direction I should go. So much weighs on my mind every day. There are decisions that I have to make, but I don't feel adequate to make them. It's amazing to think of all that I have gone through in the last year. It really seems decades ago that Dave was so sick with cancer because so much of life has changed. So many of the things that we always did together, I have had to do alone. Even as I say it though, I have to admit that he has been there each step of the journey. Most especially when he first passed away. I believe that our loving Heavenly Father recognizes that we couldn't handle to lose our loved one's mortal body as well as their spirit, so he allows them to gradually work their way out of our lives. When Dave first passed away, I felt him around constantl...
Read more

One Year Tribute

Image
A few months before Dave passed away, he came across a talk that read as follows: "In Doctrine and Covenants 136:31, the Lord says, 'My people must be tried in all things, that they may be prepared to receive the glory that I have for them, even the glory of Zion; and he that will not bear chastisement is not worthy of my kingdom.'" "I now wonder how the Lord is pruning me. Am I learning the lessons he wants me to learn? Am I bearing fruit worthy of Him? Do I see and appreciate the guidance of the Master's hand in my life? Do I let go of what is unnecessary or sinful in my life and keep only that which is good?" I believe that we would all answer that Dave did. He went about doing good and was a positive influence in the lives of many, many people. I know that he continues to influence my life for the better. If you are reading this, please take a minute to add a comment. Share with us a memory that you have of Dave, a story of how he's affected yo...
Read more