One year older and wiser too . . .

Today I celebrate another birthday. My first as a single mom. As the song says, "I can feel the weight on my shoulder." Life goes on and I've got decisions to make, but I don't know which direction I should go. So much weighs on my mind every day. There are decisions that I have to make, but I don't feel adequate to make them.

It's amazing to think of all that I have gone through in the last year. It really seems decades ago that Dave was so sick with cancer because so much of life has changed. So many of the things that we always did together, I have had to do alone. Even as I say it though, I have to admit that he has been there each step of the journey. Most especially when he first passed away. I believe that our loving Heavenly Father recognizes that we couldn't handle to lose our loved one's mortal body as well as their spirit, so he allows them to gradually work their way out of our lives.

When Dave first passed away, I felt him around constantly. Then, once the dedicatory prayer was said on the grave, he was gone. But not for long. I felt him near me quite often. Particularly when things were very hard. I witnessed as many miracles after Dave's passing as I did prior to it.

Now, I don't feel him around as often. But when I am sorrowing, he is there to comfort me- and he always will be. I know that.

I also recognize that he has a work to do on the other side of the veil. Anyone who knows Dave, recognizes that he doesn't do anything half-heartedly. He will do all that he can to help his family through their mortal journey, as well as prostelyting to others in the Spirit World. Because of that, I recognize that his time is divided. But he's always there at the most important turning points in our lives.

In 33 short years I have moved over 20 times, been married, owned 10 homes, had three children, cared for a loved one through a serious illness, watched my husband die, been a widow and a single mom. Wow! Other than getting married, life hasn't turned out the way I thought it would. But ultimately, I know that the Lord will make the most of me if I follow him. Wherever or whenever that may be.

There are no guarantees that the next 33 years don't hold as much challenge and pain. But with the pain comes the joy and in the end, the Lord will compensate us for all of our losses and there will be no denying that He knew exactly what He was doing all along.