11 Months
Here is a journal entry of mine from February 6 one year ago.
"Just the thought of being alone makes me really lonely.The discovery of the pre-chemo medications was a miracle to our family. Without them, Dave would not be here today. It has enabled him to have the appetite of a normal person, even while the cancerous tumors grow in his stomach and digestive tract.
Yesterday and the day before haven't been the best days for Dave. He's spent a majority of the last two days sleeping. (A bad sign for someone you want to live.) He recognizes his sleepiness as a bad sign also. He'll tell me that he wants to get up, but he feels like he could just sleep all day. The night before last he went to bed around 5pm, got up for 1 1/2 hours, and then slept until 10 the next morning. That's over 15 hours. It makes me nervous, and more introspective. Now it seems more real. Now I can see myself being alone- and I don't like it. I don't even like the word.
President Monson has always spoken of the widows that he cared for as a young bishop in his Salt Lake ward. I never realized how spectacular it was for him to care for hundreds of widows, until I looked to becoming one. It is scary. There is so very much that I depend upon David for- even now. He takes care of the taxes, the home buying, the insurance. He loads the 4-wheelers on the trailers and gets them ready for a campout. When he was well, he would help clean the house, he would always tidy up the garage, he would cook, and we would go on walks. He has primarly been the one who has taken the lead for family prayer and scripture study. He is still an emotional support and strength to me. I look to him for counsel and ask for advice, and when I need someones hand to hold, he is there. What will I do when he's not?"
Well, I've had to learn what it's like without his hand to hold, without his advice and counsel. I have had to become stronger than I ever was before. In so many ways I leaned on Dave and now I have to stand on my own.
By this point in our lives, Dave's body had started to yield to the melanoma. It eventually got to the point where the pre-meds could not even help with Dave's appetite. He wasn't eating and so he had zero energy. He wasn't sleeping well because he would close his eyes, fearing that he had just told his family good night for the last time.
On the eve of February 9, 2009, I found myself in prayer, pleading with the Lord to give Dave one good day. Some sort of respite from the storm that was pounding down upon him.
On February 10, Dave woke up and found himself pleading with the Lord for help. "I can't do it on my own." He told Him. And the Lord heard his prayer.
Miraculously, the pre-meds worked for the first time in two weeks and Dave ATE! In fact, he was feeling so perky that he was shooting ice pellets at me (and the nurses) through his straw. I've never been so happy to have ice pellets spit at me in my life!
That night, we were pondering and discussing the great day that Dave enjoyed, and the phone rang. It was Elder Holland. I was dumbfounded and Dave was delighted. It's not every day that you receive a call from an apostle! Through the course of Dave's conversation with Elder Holland, he expressed his desire to live to baptize Jacob on March 4th, but his concern that he was too ill to make it a month.
Even the doctor admitted that it would take more help than he could give to allow Dave make it to March 4th.
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Elder Holland choked up and humbly promised Dave that he would live to see his righteous desire fulfilled. He said that he would talk with President Monson about our specific situation and that they and the Quorum of the Twelve would keep us on their personal prayer roll.
I can say that I have never felt the burdens of life less than I did that next morning. The weight of the world could have been pressing down on me, but I had the Lord's prophets praying on behalf of my little family and we felt that strength! I know that prayer is real!
God heard and answered the faith-filled prayers of all who prayed for Dave to live to baptize Jacob on March 4, 2009.
"Just the thought of being alone makes me really lonely.The discovery of the pre-chemo medications was a miracle to our family. Without them, Dave would not be here today. It has enabled him to have the appetite of a normal person, even while the cancerous tumors grow in his stomach and digestive tract.
Yesterday and the day before haven't been the best days for Dave. He's spent a majority of the last two days sleeping. (A bad sign for someone you want to live.) He recognizes his sleepiness as a bad sign also. He'll tell me that he wants to get up, but he feels like he could just sleep all day. The night before last he went to bed around 5pm, got up for 1 1/2 hours, and then slept until 10 the next morning. That's over 15 hours. It makes me nervous, and more introspective. Now it seems more real. Now I can see myself being alone- and I don't like it. I don't even like the word.
President Monson has always spoken of the widows that he cared for as a young bishop in his Salt Lake ward. I never realized how spectacular it was for him to care for hundreds of widows, until I looked to becoming one. It is scary. There is so very much that I depend upon David for- even now. He takes care of the taxes, the home buying, the insurance. He loads the 4-wheelers on the trailers and gets them ready for a campout. When he was well, he would help clean the house, he would always tidy up the garage, he would cook, and we would go on walks. He has primarly been the one who has taken the lead for family prayer and scripture study. He is still an emotional support and strength to me. I look to him for counsel and ask for advice, and when I need someones hand to hold, he is there. What will I do when he's not?"
Well, I've had to learn what it's like without his hand to hold, without his advice and counsel. I have had to become stronger than I ever was before. In so many ways I leaned on Dave and now I have to stand on my own.
By this point in our lives, Dave's body had started to yield to the melanoma. It eventually got to the point where the pre-meds could not even help with Dave's appetite. He wasn't eating and so he had zero energy. He wasn't sleeping well because he would close his eyes, fearing that he had just told his family good night for the last time.
On the eve of February 9, 2009, I found myself in prayer, pleading with the Lord to give Dave one good day. Some sort of respite from the storm that was pounding down upon him.
On February 10, Dave woke up and found himself pleading with the Lord for help. "I can't do it on my own." He told Him. And the Lord heard his prayer.
Miraculously, the pre-meds worked for the first time in two weeks and Dave ATE! In fact, he was feeling so perky that he was shooting ice pellets at me (and the nurses) through his straw. I've never been so happy to have ice pellets spit at me in my life!
That night, we were pondering and discussing the great day that Dave enjoyed, and the phone rang. It was Elder Holland. I was dumbfounded and Dave was delighted. It's not every day that you receive a call from an apostle! Through the course of Dave's conversation with Elder Holland, he expressed his desire to live to baptize Jacob on March 4th, but his concern that he was too ill to make it a month.
Even the doctor admitted that it would take more help than he could give to allow Dave make it to March 4th.
.jpg)
Elder Holland choked up and humbly promised Dave that he would live to see his righteous desire fulfilled. He said that he would talk with President Monson about our specific situation and that they and the Quorum of the Twelve would keep us on their personal prayer roll.I can say that I have never felt the burdens of life less than I did that next morning. The weight of the world could have been pressing down on me, but I had the Lord's prophets praying on behalf of my little family and we felt that strength! I know that prayer is real!
God heard and answered the faith-filled prayers of all who prayed for Dave to live to baptize Jacob on March 4, 2009.
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